i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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