she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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