there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
