According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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