Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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