hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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