we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
