so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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