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• (216): View more from Ohio

  There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.

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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent

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• (564): View more from Washington

  He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.

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• (620): View more from Kansas

  Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.

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• (316): View more from Kansas

  You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.

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• (229): View more from Georgia

  I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.

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• (604): View more from British Columbia

  He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.

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• (801): View more from Utah

  I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst

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• (425): View more from Washington

  So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Dick very happy bro

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.

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