THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
