News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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