dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
