Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
