You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
