That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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