oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
