you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
