What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
