I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
