Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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