1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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