What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
