Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
