im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
