you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
