theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
