That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
