he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
