We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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