There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
