I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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