I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
