She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
