I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
