i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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