Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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