We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
