can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
