Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
