we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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