i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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