There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Randomize
