we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
