I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
