We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
