I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
