that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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