Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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