Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
whose parrot is this?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
