I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
