Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
